Dear Mindful Surrogate: Talking to People about Surrogacy
Dear Mindful Surrogate,
I’ve just been matched with the most awesome woman who has agreed to be my surrogate. My husband and I are thrilled but we are getting some static from my in-laws. My first instinct is to tell them to mind their own business but I don’t want to have a rift between us especially as we are hoping that in less than a year, we will be welcoming their first grandchild! I need suggestions to make this next year be as drama free as possible!
Sincerely,
Busy-Bodies Are Bothering Me
Dear B-BABM,
Isn’t it funny how people feel the need to give their 2 cents even though no one asked? My advice is to give them information on a need to know basis. Once your in-laws understand that you are working with a surrogate and there is no amount of “talk” that will change your mind PLUS that this is the only way they are going to have their grandchild(ren), they may get on board faster than overwhelming them with too much information. Because you didn’t give me an example, I am assuming that they may be concerned and anxious on your behalf. You can reassure your in-laws by mentioning the steps that you are going through with your surrogate like the psychological process, the legal contracts and the medical process. You might mention that she has her own family and is not interested in having any other children for herself. I feel that once they realize that you are being very meticulous and following a safe protocol that their fears will be laid to rest and once there is an actual pregnancy, your in-laws will be able to join you in the joy and anticipation of a new grandchild arriving soon.
All the best,
Mindful Surrogate
Dear Mindful Surrogate,
I have wanted to become a surrogate since I gave birth to my 1st child 9 years ago. Now that I am a mother of three and I am completely done with my own family, I have been told that I might not qualify if I can’t get the medical records of my first born. The OB at that time has retired and the practice is closed. Is this something that every agency or clinic will require? What can I do to help get these medical records?
Sincerely,
Wanting to Help
Dear Wanting to Help,
Your dream is not dead! We have a lot of surrogates that have older children, or a child born on a US base or even lost records due to fire or business closures. Your agency will collect all the information you have on where these records should be, have you sign release forms and then follow up with the doctors and/or staff. If it is the oldest child and you have other children with records that are clear of complications you should be able to move forward. Ultimately it is up to the RE/fertility clinic but in most cases, and if there are no other issues, you should be cleared to be matched with Intended Parents!
Wishing you all the best,
Mindful Surrogate