Top Tips on How to Find the Right Egg Donor for your Family
Once you have decided that the best path to having a baby is through egg donation, you have to decide what donor to choose. There are so many profiles out there, and if you talk to other people who have searched for a donor themselves, it can feel like a tedious “needle in a haystack” or even a dreaded dating app. How many times can you swipe left? As a retired egg donor myself and my previous years working in the fertility clinic, (where 80% of our clients needed egg donation), I have made a list of tips to think about, and hopefully make this process easier.
1. What really matters the most?
Appearance? Education? Family health history? It is important to have this conversation before looking at the millions of donor profiles out there, because there are millions. Ask yourself what matters most to you? Some people find that it is education, others think it is appearance, and then you have those who say family healthy history tops their list. I have worked with couples who want personality over anything else. I have even helped people who feel that they must connect to a donor profile and it just has to feel “right”. There is no wrong answer for what you feel is most important. Whatever makes the top of your list, don’t forget it is indeed your list! You have every right to decide what is best for you and your future baby without having to feel rushed or judged by the clinic or donor agency. Always do what is best for you and your family, there is no wrong answer.
2. Genetics
Genetics play a key role in choosing an egg donor. When you first decide that egg donation is the path that you will take, the doctor that create your embryos will need to screen the sperm source for any genetic carrier diseases. If the sperm source is a carrier, you will want to make sure that the donor you choose is not a genetic carrier for the same disease. Most of the time the egg donor will be a carrier of something on her genetic screening test, and that’s ok, as long as she is not carrying the same abnormality as the sperm source used in the embryo creation process. Inheritable health conditions can disqualify a woman from being able to donate her eggs.
3. Screening
Don’t fall in love with an egg donor until she has been fully medically and psychologically cleared. This is so easy to do, especially if a family member or friend has offered to be your egg donor. Keep in mind that she must be cleared and willing to move forward and be your egg donor before you fall in love with this donor. You don’t want to use an egg donor who hasn’t passed screening in hopes that it a cycle works out. The likelihood is that you will find yourself looking for a new donor down the road because of poor cycle outcomes. It is best to only review donor profiles have been cleared by the doctor. If you are using a family member or friend, remain mindful of the extensive screening process, it is not guaranteed that she will be able to have a successful donation cycle outcome.
4. How important is education when choosing an egg donor?
When I worked in an IVF clinic, we have so many Intended Parents conflicted on the education level of the egg donor. Just because the donor you choose does not go to an Ivy League school, or have her master’s degree yet, don’t think that makes her a bad candidate for being your egg donor. A lot of donors are in their early 20s and paying their way through college, sometimes one class at a time. Many of the girls in the donor catalogs are working full time and can only take evening classes, or are young mothers and raising their kids. While education might be very important to you, your donors current education does not impact your IVF cycle outcome or your future child’s chances of getting into your alma mater.
5. Does blood type matter?
Actually no! Unless you want the baby to match your own blood type, the outcome of the IVF cycle is not impacted on the donors blood type.
6. Has she donated before?
This is important to think about because your future baby could have genetic siblings somewhere. My personal experience being a known egg donor, 7 times, has resulted in 14 live births from my donation cycles, and I have 2 of my own children. I have been very open to the parents, and my children, that I have donated to. While the families I have donated to don’t know each other personally, they do know that other babies exist. I don’t want to overwhelm you, and the likelihood of your child meeting their genetic siblings are very slim, but this is still a possibility especially if you live in a small country like Israel.
Final thoughts
If egg donation is your path having a baby, make sure that you do as much research as possible before you start. Some clinics with an egg donor program or an egg donor agency will have a concierge service and handhold you the entire way. Other donor programs will send you hundreds of donors to look at and that will feel overwhelming. This process can be a lot easier to navigate if you start off by educating yourself first. The best piece of advice I can give you is to not overthink about all of the “what ifs” and just enjoy the process. This is expensive and you can worry about all of these things, and it feel like such huge mountains if you let it become that. But remember this, when you are holding your baby in your arms, none of the “what ifs” will matter. Your baby will be beyond perfect and everything that your heart could desire. Possible future siblings and the donors education or her current job will be just part of you and your perfect little baby story, and you will not want to change a thing.