Ashley Old
What month and year was your surrogate baby born?
“October, 2018”
What originally inspired you to look into surrogacy?
"In my early twenties, I felt that I was being called to be a surrogate. I felt it would be a great honor to help another family have a baby of their own."
What was your favorite or most memorable moment during this whole process?
“Oh my, to only choose one. IMPOSSIBLE. I have two moments that rocked me to my core. #1, I will never forget the moment I informed my intended parents they were having twins! The silent shock was unbelievable. Our journey started with one embryo transfer that produced identical twin boys!! 1% chance of this happening!! #2, I will also never forget the moment I arrived to my recovery room where my intended parents anxiously waited to show me what we all created, perfect little boys.”
What was the most unexpected part of this process?
“The bond I have with my intended parents. I expected a distant relationship due to the language difference and international location (China). I was 100% okay with leaving our relationship terms up to my intended parents. My intended parents have surprised me with how often they include my family with everything. I receive monthly emails with pictures as well as in depth conversations on how we are all doing. Unexpected and AMAZING!”
How was the matching process?
"Natural feeling and easy."
How was the pregnancy and how involved were the intended parents during the pregnancy?
"My pregnancy overall was easy. My family and I took each day as it came. I updated my intended parents during or right after each doctor visit, plus we communicated weekly on how I was doing. I think the distance (different countries) was hard on their involvement, but they made sure I felt taken care of every chance they had."
How did you talk to other people about the process, like your friends and family? Even strangers?
"My family and friends all supported what I was doing and we openly talked about surrogacy when questions came up. Strangers on the other hand where a different story. Everyone has an opinion and they are not always pleasant. Early on I realized to pick and choose who I told I was a surrogate. I didn't choose to share with every person because frankly no surrogate has the kind of time to help each person process your journey. Plus…privacy. I felt people thought they became entitled to know it all because it was not your baby. I was never ashamed of my pregnancy, but strangers can difficult to handle."
How did you talk to your kids about surrogacy before, during, and after the birth?
"My husband and I talked about surrogacy for a full two years with our daughter before we started the process. We read, "The Kangaroo Pouch: A Story about Gestational Surrogacy for Young Children" many times. My daughter asked questions, and we would make sure to answer every single one. Also, when we started the process, I included her as much as possible with all the steps. After the babies came into this world, she knew they where not ours, and she was very happy for the family we helped. My daughter knew before our journey started that our surro baby was not ours to keep, and she was great with that."
How was your delivery and post-pregnancy?
"Due to the unexpected nature of the twins, we scheduled a c-section. I was nervous, of course, but I enjoyed the control of the environment. My delivery was very quick and smooth. Post-pregnancy was easy too. I recovered at home; my pain was very manageable."
What were your feelings when you saw the intended parent(s) hold their baby for the first time?
"The first moment was complete magic. You could feel the love radiating off them."
What was one thing you wished you would have had in your hospital bag that you forgot?
"Mascara ;)"
What did your kid(s) and/or partner say when they met the baby?
"My family was so happy to see the boys with their parents; nothing could be better."
What is your relationship and contact with the intended parents now?
"My intended parents and our family talk monthly via email. Our family is going to China in October to see them and celebrate the boys 1st birthday!"
What were some of the benefits of working with an agency?
"I feel the entire process with any agency makes it feel safe and secure for all parties. The agency will have the hard conversations leaving the surrogate and intended parents to enjoy the process.”
What words of wisdom would you share with other/newer gestational carriers?
"Communicate everything with your intended parents and/or agency, depending on the conversation. Also, don't forget to breathe and enjoy each day!! It's pure magic!!"
If you decided to be a gestational carrier again, what would be the reason?
"To experience the joy & love that radiate off intended parents when they hold their newborn(s) for the first time. Magic!"
Anything else you want to add about your experience?
"Nothing can prepare you for this amazing journey."